Daddy I love you

I am happy to report I now weigh 241. Well at least that is what I weighed on Monday. I go back to the Dr on 4/13 and by then I want to have lost 20 pounds total, so only 7 more to go. Then onto the next goal. I really can't wait to be under 230. The last few years I have always seemed to hit a wall at 230. I know my husband has never seen below it and I am getting really excited to see it on the horizon.

After my post about enablers Jeremiah has really stepped up and been even more supportive. He is still eating some bad food in front of me but he is doing much better. He has agreed to start eating better and wants us to join the gym. He even went for a 2 mile walk with me today at the park. He said he does not want to have to count calories like I do but he does want to learn more about how to make better choices in food. I am glad that I have partner who is at least willing to do this with me.

I watched 2 episodes of Ruby this week because I had missed the week before. I am starting to really love that show. I get inspired by her and she makes me think about my issues. Last weeks episode dealt a lot with the father/daughter relationship and how much it impacts females. Many of the women who attend Ruby's Fat Night discussion/support group, have father's that had passed away. My father is still alive and I know that he loves me very very much. But I do have to admit that we never had a real close relationship. I mean I always knew he was there for us and he has been an excellent provider for the family, he has almost always worked 2 jobs. But my Dad and I never did much together, as in just the two of us. I can remember him taking my sister and I to the movies or a few times out fishing but we never had just a father/daughter day together. I always felt kind of awkward and never knew what to talk about with my Dad. I think it is much better now that I am older but when I was younger it wasn't like it is now. I guess I also wanted the type of Dad that would grill any boy that wanted to go out with me and that he would have put his foot down more. But I know in reality I shouldn't complain because I really did have a good childhood.

I am just saying that maybe most of us women do have daddy issues, even if things were not exactly bad either. I was never abused, my parents are still married today after almost 34 years and they never really fought around us, my sister and I always got what we needed and most of the time what we wanted as well. We really did have it good. I can say that and I do know that but even though it was probably about as perfect of a childhood as one can get, there are still issues and things that I need to deal with. I think no matter who great a family is there is still dysfunction because nobody is perfect.

In my family once my sister and I got into probably our teenage years we really didn't ever get hugs, kisses, or told I love you. A few years ago Lydia (my sister) and I said something to my parents about it. My mom said she never really got it from her parents and I guess it just made her uncomfortable and kind of the same thing with my dad. Plus Lydia and I both were very difficult teenagers. I am a totally rebel and hate to be told what to do. I am a total control freak as well. I left home when I was just 17 years old. I have now moved back several times over the years but when I was a teenager I wanted nothing more than to leave that house! I look back now and know I was a total brat and I do not think there is much at all that my parents could have done. They did the best that they could. And now today we all have no problem saying I love you or giving a hug and kiss. I am so glad that Lydia and I got the courage to say something because our family is definitely stronger for it. It is very important to let your loved ones know how you feel. You can know how someone feels about you but it is always so nice to hear it as well.

That is just the tip of the iceburg as far as my issues are concerned. I still have a lot to discover about myself and really do need to get into counseling. But for now this will just have to do.