Total Weight Loss

Sunday, May 23, 2010

5K Challenge

Just a quick note to let you all know I did complete the 5K challenge this morning. Jeremiah and Dakota ended up sleeping in, so I had to go at it alone. However, I knew that I was not technically alone because there were many of you out there completing your 5K as well.

I am exhausted right now and headed to bed already, yes this early! I did take some pics and will post them tomorrow. It was so hot and humid and I thought that it might start raining at any moment but it did not. Before I had even finished a 1/4 mile I was completely covered in sweat, it was that humid! Normally I am good until around 3/4 mile or there about.

I was not very happy with my time. I finished a little over 54 minutes. I will post the exact tomorrow. I took a picture of my stopwatch so I will have to see what it said for the exact time. I know I averaged something like 16.88 min. per mile. I know that I am capable of at least averaging 15 min. a mile. Yes, I walked and did not run. Tomorrow is my run day and I am planning to be up very early so I can run when it is cooler. I was walking today at 9am and it was already getting too hot.

I am so sore again tonight. Yesterday was even worse than today. My run on Friday really got to me. I have got to continue to work on my core muscles because my lower back is hurting the most. This afternoon I worked on my abs and legs with non-weighted strength exercises and that did help my back feel a little better. I just took a muscle relaxer so I am hoping that helps even more!

See how I can never shut up. This was supposed to be a very quick post just letting you know I finished and will cover the 5K in detail tomorrow. I will end on that note.

Rock it, live it, own it!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Running and yakking about nothing much

Good Morning my bloggy-licious friends! I am very happy to report that I finally got back to running on Friday morning. I have not ran since the Friday before I had the kidney stone which was 3 weeks ago! Yikes! I thought it had been 2 weeks but I just now realized that it has been 3, wow!

I was worried because I figured I would be so out of the groove that I would be starting back from the very basic. As you may remember, I didn't start the C25K at the 1 min. of running like the program does. I just could not do that yet. Instead I started out with 30 sec. and then W2 I went for 45 seconds. I was hoping I could at least do 45 seconds but had a feeling I would be back down to 30 seconds and I was going to be ok with that. At least I was back out there running again.

Guess what? I was able to run for the full 1 min. just like the C25K starts you with. I honestly could not believe it. I guess my workouts on the elliptical are paying off. Those workouts are not technically running but are very challenging and are getting my butt in shape! Just maybe I will still be able to run the 5K in August.

I had planned on still doing the 5K but thought that I might have to walk the majority of it. More than likely I will still have to do intervals of running/walking to get it completed but I will do MORE running than walking! The only thing I am really worried about is the heat. It is going to be so freakin' hot then. I live in North Texas and yesterday morning I ran at 9am and just about died from the heat and humidity alone.

Before when I did the intervals I ran for a mile and a half. That is how far the trail is at the park. Yesterday I ran for the full mile but I walked the last half a mile. I was a little disappointed in myself because I didn't run as long as usual, but I couldn't be too upset since I was at least running for the full 1 minute at a time.

I was just so hot. My face was beet red and my pulse was going crazy. I checked my heart rate and it was at 220 bpm. Now, normally I do have a high heart rate when I exercise. Generally on the elliptical at home it gets up to 208-212. I just had to slow down and take it easy for the rest of the trail. In hindsight I am glad that I did. I know that I need to listen to my body and not push too hard. I was out there by myself and there was hardly a soul out walking or running at the time so I would have hated for something to happen to me. At one point I thought I was going to pass out. I downed all my water and made it back to my air conditioned car. After that I felt really good again.

I then went to my parent's house and stayed until mid-afternoon. My sister and my 2 nephews live there also, so I visited with the boys. Jacob, he will be 3 years old next month, was hoot. I got to the house and he asked me where in the world I had just been. I told him I had been running and he said "With me?". You see I have taken him with me running before and he know loves it! He even got some new running shoes and has a little tank top and running shorts. I told him no that I went by myself this time. He said "No Sissy, I went with you!" Ok, ok kid whatever you say! It was like he was saying, this is the story and you had better go with it! He is just so funny sometimes, no make that all the time.

Matthew just turned a year old in March and is just is funny as his brother. I do not have any kids of my own and these two are MY babies! My sister just got them a new puppy. His name is Scamp and is a little cocker spaniel. He is just too darn cute. But Matthew is afraid of him because Scamp is play biting right now. And on top of that, Scamp just loves Matthew to death and is constantly trying to give him kisses. At one point I did get Matthew laughing at the puppy and got him to pet him some. It will just take some time for him to adjust. Matthew has no problem at all with my little maltese dog so I know it is just a matter of time.

Last night Jeremiah and I went to go pick up my step-son Dakota. We had a pretty low key night. It was my father-in-laws birthday so we had to go stop and get him a small gift and card. He loves to play foosball, even has a foosball table set up in the living room. Well we knew he was really wanting some new foosballs. They tried buying some not long ago but they ended up being too small. My MIL was going to look at buying some online. We stopped off at Academy but they did not have any.

Now Academy did have a treadmill, a weight bench, an exercise bike, pedometer, the Firm workout collection on DVD w/accessories, plus a ton of other things I would love to have. But no foosballs to be found. We were racking our brains of other stores to check. We would have gone to Second Hand Sports, a used equipment store that always has everything, but they were already closed. We had to settle for trying Sears. We lucked out and they had some tournament foosballs. My FIL loved them and immediately had to go test them out. They worked perfect and this time were big enough for the table.

After that Jeremiah, Dakota, and Uncle Brett went to the kitchen table to have a marathon of Magic the Gathering. I played once but sucked and do not care to ever play again. What is Magic you ask? It some kind of card game. Kind of like Dungeons and Dragons, I am guessing. Or more like the card games that got popular here lately, Pokemon, Yugioh, and stuff like that. I now it is not exactly like that, but for my description they are similar.

They play that game every weekend that Dakota comes. At least they have for the past 3 visits or so. New cards have been purchased, Uncle Brett has his friend come up from Dallas to play, and last visit they had some other guy come join in too. It suits me just fine. I get some time to myself and do not have to entertain anyone.

I watched an episode of Dateline about a cheating couple. This woman had an affair with her husband's best friend (who was also married) and the guy ends up killing her husband. She claims that she did not know that was what he was going to do. To top it off her husband was a deacon or something in the church and planning to become a pastor. The guy she had the affair with was the youth pastor. It was all messed up and crazy.

While I watched the show I did my strength training. I am really feeling it in my arms and abs this morning. It feels so good. I just love being able to tell I got a good workout in. I am not too sore, just can feel that the muscles are working.

Sunday is the 5K that Tony has challenged. Both Jeremiah and Dakota are planning to do it with me. We are not participating in any official 5K. We are just doing this one on our own. I plan to mainly walk this one. It will still be fun and a treat to get Jeremiah and Dakota out there as well.

Have a great Saturday.

Rock it, live it, own it!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The problem with terminology and models?!

The other day I mentioned how I was going to post about something that really gets me all riled up. I think it is about time for me to let this all out. What ticks me off? It is simply the term "plus-size model". I absolutely HATE that term. I think these women should just be called models. There does not need to be a distinction and until then, there will not be many changes in the fashion industry.

The same thing pretty much goes for the entire "plus-size" section of clothes. I have never understood why a designer can not just make their line include bigger sizes. Why do you need separate clothes in the first place? There have been some clothing lines that do carry larger sizes with no problem. Therefore I do not see why others can not do the same thing. For example back when there was still a Steve & Barry's I would shop there every now and then. I bought a very cute pair of Bitten jeans (a line by Sarah Jessica Parker) that were in a size 22. They were the exact same jeans as the ones that she had in a size 6. They did not even cost any extra for a bigger size! What a novelty. Producing and selling clothes in a very wide range of sizes all for the same cost? And they were in the same section of the store, on the same shelves? But how could all those thin people stand shopping next to the all the fatas$es! (Sorry I may have gotten a little carried away with my sarcasm there)

The following pictures are of models that the industry refers to as "plus-size". To me they are just beautiful women. And in my eyes, they look more normal than most models that I see.

But maybe, just maybe could the norm that we have come to expect in modeling be changing? Several years ago Spain adopted the rule that models there must have a minimum BMI of 18.5. And now other countries are looking to join this trend and there is even talk of passing legislation that prohibits models with a BMI lower than 18.5. Currently the average model has a BMI of 16. But then again, maybe we should not get our hopes up too much. It appears that the organizers of the London Fashion week have dismissed such a rule there.

Hopefully in the end something will be done. Last year during the Miss Universe Pageant in Australia, Stephanie Naumoska competed and she was at a BMI of only 15.1. She walked by the judges with her bones clearly protruding and she looked very malnourished. She claimed that she would eat and blamed her heritage on her thin, frail body. She is Macedonian and the pageant officials also sited that as the reason for her thin body. The Australian Medical Association urged the pageant officials to impose a minimum BMI of 20. The organizers refused citing not enough emphasis was placed on heritage. I am sorry but she apparently had some kind of eating disorder. There is no way that this is just normal genetics. And if it is just from genetics that does not mean her health still did not need to be addressed.

As I was reading some of the articles out there regarding this subject I did come across something that excited me. Top fashion photographer, Terry Richardson, took images of the model Crystal Renn posing side-by-side with her skinny rival Jacquelyn Jablonski. The pictures are part of a campaign to get both magazines and designers to start using models whose size, shape, and look are varied. The images were to appear in V Magazine this spring.

I personally think that Crystal looks much healthier. I do not want to sit here and dog on skinny people because I believe that we all are created equal and are beautiful in our own ways. If one is naturally thin then by all means celebrate your thinness and embrace your body for what it is. But when one goes to lengths to get thinner and thinner just because they are told that they are not skinny enough to model, then I have a problem. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. Here are some of the pictures from the shoot. What are your thoughts?

As I wrap up this post I want to leave you with another glimmer of hope. This article discusses how teen girls are influenced by their peers when it comes to weight. And surprisingly, not by the magazines and advertisements that we are all bombarded with daily. In some schools were the norm tend to be of a higher weight, the teens do not feel as much pressure to diet. Now I say this is a glimmer of hope because just maybe the teens out there are not so brainwashed from the years of ads, as we thought. However, the article still shows that teens feel peer pressure and if weight is a big concern at their school then they do feel the need to conform and go on diets.

I know after reading many articles out there on the subject of weight, and looking at images, I have come to a realization. Now this is just my personal opinion, but I do like some curves. I do not want to be stick thin. I do want to be healthy and I do want to be very fit and toned. I do not by any means want to look like a walking corpse. I am also very thankful that I never wanted to be a model.

LHAS Weigh In: Week 2

Sorry it has taken me forever today to get a post on here. I just got home from my parent's house. My mother and I are trying to plan a family vacation for this summer.

But I did go and weigh today for week #2 LHAS Challenge. I had to take my own picture so it is not that great of a shot. Jeremiah ended up having to work so he was not able to be there like normal. I am down this week 5 lbs. Yippee!!! I was really concerned about this week since I have increased my calories but looks like whatever I am doing is definitely working. Last week I was at 225 and now this week 220. I didn't hit 219 like I would have loved but I am in no way complaining.

Again the scale was off by a pound. One of the ladies that works at the store, like I said the scale is out in front of a furniture store, told me that it gets off every now and then and that they will have to have a guy come out to reset the balance. But she was not sure when that will happen because right now she said times have been tough and they can't really afford to get anyone to come out right now. I guess it doesn't really matter all that much. It just bugs me because then the picture I take shows one pound more than I really am. Yes I am that anal.

I struggled getting my exercise time in but I not only met my goal, I ended up surpassing it a little. I worked out for a total of 334 minutes. Last week I worked out for 421 minutes so more the exercise, the more I lose.

Hope everyone has a productive week and keep up the good work!

Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Survey

This survey has been popping up on many of the blogs and since I have to be cool and part of the "in-crowd" I figured that I would give it a go …

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Only if it is a really nice hotel and they are shampoos that I like.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Do not sleep with any cover sheet at all. We have a flat sheet on the bed and then hubby and I both have our own comforter. That way nobody steals the covers from the other one.

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
Probably bees since I am not allergic.

5. Do you have freckles?
Some, had more when I was younger it seemed or at least you could see them more.

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I hate stupid people. Unfortunately this can encompass a lot of situations since there are idiots everywhere.

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yes. We used to go out in the woods as teenagers to parties and drinking would definitely equal having to pee!

8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?
Yes. I love to dance and can easily hear a beat in my own head!

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Not really anymore. I used to when I was in bored in class but now that most of my classes are online I do not do this anymore.

10. Is it ok for guys to wear pink?
Of course. Haven't you heard? Pink is the new black.

11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
At Chick-fil-a I like the honey mustard and the polynesian sauce. That is really the only time I eat nuggets anymore.

12. What is your favorite food?
Any Chinese food. Oh, and fettucini alfredo.

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Serendipity, Kung-Fu Hustle, Pretty Woman, St. Elmo's Fire, Pretty in Pink, Breakfast Club, Memoirs of a Geisha …

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Yes and my mom was my Brownie troop leader. I was also later in Bluebirds.

15. Can you change the oil on a car?
I have not ever done it before but I bet that I could if I had to. I CAN take the car to get an oil change though!

16. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yes, but the last one was when I was 18, so 14 years ago. Now I have gotten stopped many times since but always get out of the ticket. But I do not speed anymore at all.

17. Ever ran out of gas?
Yes, one time in Dallas and I swore I would never do it again.

18. Are you lazy?

19. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I remember being a clown, a vampire, a hobo, and a princess.

20. How many languages can you speak?
One. I did take 2 years of Latin but do not remember hardly a darn thing.

21. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Conan, no contest.

22. Do you sing in the car?
Yes, all the time.

23. Ever eat a pierogi?
Yes they are one of my favs too, very yummy!

24. First concert?
Michael Jackson on his BAD tour. I was in the 4th grade and my parents took my sister and me.

25. Where would you be able to spend hours and be happy?
In my husband's arms.

26. What’s your favorite kind of doughnut?
Glazed if it is a Krispy Kreme or similar kind. Otherwise I like the little powdered doughnuts.

27. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
I currently have 6 tattoos and just my normal ear piercings. I used to have my nose, eyebrow, and tongue pierced but took them all out 7-8 years ago.

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My grandmother

29. Are you still friends with the people you knew in middle school or high school?
I am friends with a lot on Facebook. I have kept in touch pretty regularly with just a handful over the years.

30. What is the last thing you ate?
Bowl of Fiber One raisin crunch cereal.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A doctor

32. Name three things that are close to you:
My cell phone, a glass of water, my Kindle.

33. What was your best subject in school?
I realize it is bragging but I was good in all of them. My favorite has always been literature.

34. What is your favourite restaurant?
P.F. Chang's

35. Any hidden talents?
I am very good at research. Any fact you want to know just ask me and I will find it for you. I am also very artsy and creative. I have also discovered I am pretty darn good at exercise.

36. What is your favourite girl’s name?
I have a couple of favs but #1 is Lilly. I also like Emily, Olivia, and Clara.

37. Would you rather be a rock star or a famous athlete?
I guess a rock star but I am starting to get to like athletics too. But honestly I would not want to be famous. I would hate having to live under a microscope all the time and be hounded by the press.

38. What are you wearing right now?
Pajama short set in pink

39. Did you graduate from college?
Not yet but working on it.

40. Do you have any nicknames?
My husband calls me baby, and other terms of endearment. Other than that not really.

41. How do YOU de-stress?
I have my husband massage my feet and back. I also like to read.

42. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without food?
I know of at least 2 days but maybe a little longer when I have been really sick.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Increasing calories (you read that right) and free workout videos

Is it really weird that I am so excited again for the weigh in tomorrow? I just can not wait to see how this week has gone according to the scale. I have definitely struggled to get all my workouts in but I am only 26 mins. away from hitting my goal, so 30mins on the elliptical today will ensure that I my goal is met.

I have also been doing quite a bit of research on how many calories I should be eating. As I had talked about before I was eating right around 800 calories a day. I am on medication and under a doctor's supervision but since I have added so much exercise I had a feeling that I really needed to increase my calories. This week most days I ate right around 1000 calories. Some days I got closer to 1200 and other days I was still just a little over 800. I am really working towards to getting right around 1200 from now on. I do not want my body to be in starvation mode. I did read that when you have a lot of weight to lose, like over 50 pounds, you generally will not go into starvation mode for at least 3 months. But it has now going on 2.5 months since I have been on this new plan so I do not want that to occur. Instead I am slowly adding additional calories to my day. And they have been good calories, more fruit and veggies, and I have let myself eat more snacks through out the day.

That is one reason I am very curious as to how this week has gone. I am optimistic and do think I have lost but I seriously doubt it will be anything like last week. I will be happy with a 2-3 lb. loss. I should not be hitting a plateau yet and when that does happen, we all know that it will eventually, I will increase my exercise.

I am also in the process of breaking up my strength training into lower body and upper body workouts. I have got to let my muscles get a rest but I like to do my strength training every day (or at least 6 days a week). This is one of my favorite sites for free exercises. I also use some of the free videos at Sparkpeople . Another good site for free videos is here. As long as you have some good music and the internet there really is no reason to spend a ton of cash on workout videos. You can get what you need for nothing. This is a good start when you don't have much money and you can always slowly buy videos for a personal collection as your fitness level increase and/or you get bored.

Well that is all for this morning. I am working on a post about a topic that just irks me but you will have to wait on that one! No griping for this morning, lol. Keep up the hard work!

No pain, no gain!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Free subscription to Organic Spa Magazine

Just thought I would share this link for a free digital download of the Organic Spa magazine. One of the blogs that I follow Birdseed in my Bread, had this posted and I grabbed at the chance to score the free download.

I have not checked the magazine out yet but Birdseed in my Bread did and said there are some good articles at their website.

Get your free digital subscription here.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Short (well short for me anyway) Update

I am popping in for only a moment. I am exhausted and both need and want to go to bed. I did not sleep well last night and then had to get up fairly early. I got up at 9am, early to me for a Sat, and ate a quick breakfast. I started watching some of Investigation Discovery, only one of my favorite channels, and got into an episode of I almost Got Away With it. Fifteen minutes go by and I realize that I am wasting time so I went and grabbed my weights and for the next 45 mins. while I watched the show, I did my strength training. After that I went and got on the elliptical for 19 mins. I was trying to round off my numbers for the challenge. Somehow I had an odd number at the end and I am so OCD that it was driving me crazy.

I ended up working out for a total of 64 minutes today, which brings my challenge total to 605 mins. Tonight I was so very glad that I did the workout this morning. We went to see my step-son Dakota today because it is his birthday. His mom made a cake (I had a very small piece) and then we all went to go see Iron Man 2. It was a really good movie. I did not see the first Iron Man so I really did not know what to expect. I liked it a lot and want to see the first one now. I couldn't believe how good of shape Robert Downey, Jr. was in and told my hubby that I think I now have a little crush on him, lol. After spending the afternoon with Dakota, Jeremiah and I headed to the mall. I went and tried on some clothes. I fit it into one pair of size 16W bermuda shorts!! I could not believe it. I also fit into a size 18 from the regular section and not the plus. In the end I did not buy any clothes. I just wasn't feeling anything and only want to buy something if I really truly love it because I know I won't be able to wear it for long. I think I am going to end up going to Goodwill to get my jeans until I get down to my goal, or at least once I am not losing weight as quickly.

I am really trying to get husband to jump on the health bandwagon with me. He has told me that he wants and has plans to workout more. However, today he said that he is happy with himself and does not think he needs to lose any weight. I told him that I too love him just the way that he is, but he does have high blood pressure (currently on meds for it), has high cholesterol (if I remember correctly), he smokes, is in constant pain, and several men his family have died at very young ages. I want him to lose weight for his health, not just so he will look better. I know that you can not force anyone to make a change that it truly has to come from within but I do hope that I can be a positive influence on him. Again tonight he told me that he is afraid I am going to lose all this weight and go find someone else. I have no such plans at all and told him that he does not need to worry. At times he has such great self-confidence and then other times he is just so negative. All I can do is continue to love and support him. In time I guess he will see that I am here no matter what. He has just heard too many horror stories about someone losing a significant amount of weight and then leaving their spouse. I know that does happen but I am not and never have been one that is preoccupied with nothing but looks.

Ok, I am about to fall asleep here while I am typing so I have got to go.

~No pain, No gain! err loss~

Friday, May 14, 2010


For my total exercise minutes yesterday I missed my goal. I only got on the elliptical for 30 mins. and did not do anything else. I was out late, over at my mom's, and then had to stop by the store and did not get home until 1am. Jeremiah was ready to go to bed but said if I wanted to hop on the elliptical that it would not bother him because he was so tired he knew he would just pass out (my elliptical is in our bedroom). Sure enough the rhythmic clanking that I was making must have lulled him right to sleep because it was not long and he was out.

I really did not want to finish the 30 mins. But again I pushed on and did it. Now normally I would do my strength workout after that but I just did not have it in me. So later today I am going to do a hour of strength and then the elliptical for 30 mins. to make up what I missed. Ughh, I have just been frustrated with my exercise the last 2 days. Hopefully this week gets better.

My schedule has just been so all over the place lately. I really want to get up earlier today. I work on-call staffing nurses so I am up strange hours. I work during the week from 4am to 7am. Then on the weekends I am either 4am to 4pm or 4pm to 4am, plus every other Friday night I work from 5:30pm to 4am. I work this Friday night and then the pm shift this weekend. I am also a major night owl so that does not help things either. I was really liking getting up early and exercising first thing in the mornings. Right now I have been exercising at night and I am as fond of that. However, exercise does wipe me out and I usually can fall right asleep afterwards. I know I am weird. They usually say you should not exercise before bed because it can wire you up but not me, it is like a sleeping pill for my body!

Oh, I almost forgot but I wanted to ask if any of you have tried the Skinny Cow ice cream treats? I got the cookies-n-cream ice cream sandwiches and they are delicious. They have 160 calories and 3g of fiber, no Trans fat, 97% Fat Free and they are HUGE (some of them are only 140 calories). I now have something to go to when I really want something sweet. They also have a chocolate truffle ice cream on a stick that is only 100 calories and ice cream drumsticks for 150 calories. Oh so yummy! I had been wanting to try these for a while and finally got around to buying some tonight. I loved it and did not ruin my calorie count for the day, yippee!

You can also go to the Skinny Cow website and play with the cowculator to see how the Skinny Cow products stack up to other treats. I am not affiliated with Skinny Cow and did not receive anything for this endorsement. I just love the products, plain and simple.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I am so honored

Well guys and gals the results from the first week of My LHAS Challenge have been posted. And guess what? I made it into the Hall of Fame for losing the most weight this week. I am very excited and proud of myself for that 7 lb. loss. I like to say that it is easy losing weight this time around, but when I really sit and think about it, it is just as hard as always. The difference this time around is my mind. I get it now in a way that I never did before.

I just barely placed in the Hall of Fame because Chris had a 6.5 lb. loss and I am betting he takes it next week, especially with those P90X workouts that he is doing. I am in awe of him and how much he has accomplished and did I mention he is doing P90X!! Anyone doing that workout deserves an award in my book. Erin won for the most minutes exercised this week, 590 mins!!! She is a machine and is aiming for 720 minutes this week. Erin is really motivating me to increase my workouts every day. I am very competitive and love a good challenge.

You would think that since I am so competitive that I would have won a lot of stuff in my life right? You would be wrong if you thought so because like Erin mentions on her blog, I have never won anything either (except for academic achievements, again like Erin, this is getting kind of freaky being so much alike, hehe). I am just so honored to even be in this challenge and to get to meet so many people who are on a journey like mine. I never knew this kind of support before and it really does make a difference. Here is the badge that I won and you will see it proudly displayed here on my blog. I have been so jealous of the badges that I see everyone else have from winning challenges and/or blog awards. Now I get to join the club.

I can not wait to see what this next week brings. I have a feeling that many people are stepping up their game and that this week really will be a challenge. I am going to continue to push hard and again I just hope to meet my goal of a 2 lb. loss for the week. Now of course I would love, love, LOVE a 6 lb. loss so that I would be out of the 220's but I think 2 weeks of big losses in a row might be asking too much, but we will see. I am not changing anything this week, unless I end up adding some exercise so I am curious what my loss will be this time.

My husband told me yesterday when he went with me to weigh, "With that kind of weekly loss you really could be on The Biggest Loser!" He has tried to get me to apply for the show with him but I keep telling him there is no way that I could make it there. I still don't think that I could because those last chance workouts would kill me!! I am doing good to get my hour in. I think I would die if I had to workout for 6 hours a day, sheesh! Plus, I know that I can do this on my own. I am a huge fan of Jillian Michaels and would love to train with her someday but I want my weight loss to come from me. Do not get me wrong I know that on that show the contestants are the ones who do the work and it is still them that works their as@ off to get where they are. But they still praise the show, the trainers, etc. Wait a minute I just wrote that and thought but when I get down to my goal I will be praising all of the supporters that I have met here online, all my friends and family, and even my awesome Doctor who is another big supporter. I guess nobody really does it all alone and we all need help. So I take it back. I will go on TBL, oh wait a minute, I believe that the deadline for the next season has passed. And with my determination and sheer will, I think that by the time the next casting call goes out, I will have lost so much that I won't have enough weight to lose to be competitive on the show, at least that is the plan. Sorry, Jeremiah, but it looks like our TBL plans will have to change and we will have to settle for being at home losers. But that is just fine and dandy with me!

Goodness, when I went to post the comment that my husband made I did not intend to go off on a tangent about TBL. See, that is how I end up writing a short novel almost every time I post. I just can not shut up on here. I hope that I do not bore you too much and that you never get offended by off-color humor. On that note I will go.

Never give up! Don't give up!

Last night I was really tired and just did not feel like exercising at all. I knew that I needed to and that if I am going to hit my goal again this week that I can not miss a night because it would be too hard to make up the minutes. So I decided to go ahead and get on the elliptical and do my 30 mins. I figured that I would skip the strength training part of my workout for just once and could make up 30 mins easier than missing an entire hour.

I got on the elliptical and man oh man was it tough. I was tired and by just 10 mins I was ready to quit. But I pushed on and on and on and made it for the entire 30 mins. I was really tired, pouring sweat, and my face was beet red. But I did feel better. I was so proud of myself for getting it done that I decided I would go ahead and finish up the workout with 30 mins of the strength training. I am glad that I did not give up. The old Lisa would have gotten off the elliptical at 10 mins. Wait that is a complete lie, the old Lisa would not have even done a workout at all.

I am very proud of myself and the weight that I have lost so far. But I am more proud of myself for keeping with the exercise. You just have no idea how much I have hated exercise my entire life. And I mean hate with a capital H. Sorry if I have been harping on exercise so much lately but I am just so shocked that I have kept with it now for the past 4 months. Back in January I did not want to say that losing weight or working out was my New Year's Resolution because I figured the odds of me doing it were slim to none. But in the back of my mind I was thinking that it was time. So, it was around the 2nd week or so of January that I started working out. I started very small but it was an effort none the less. I have been increasing what I do in small increments ever since. At some point during February I stopped working out for I think it was a week or maybe a week and a half. I do not remember why I stopped but I know in the past that would have been it for me. This time around I did not let it get me down, instead I did not wait for tomorrow, I got up and got right back on that horse, so to speak. I am so glad that I did.

I am proof of not letting a fall off the wagon keep you down. You have to let it go, get up and dust yourself off and move forward. If I had not started back in my exercise routine then I would be sitting here still at 254 lbs and the only change would have been that some months had flown by. It is true that the same months have flown by but 29 lbs have gone along with them!
So do not ever give up. You will stumble and you will fall and that is alright. It is part of life and it is part of the journey. Nobody is perfect and sometimes life does get in the way but you have to push it to the side for the sake of you.

I am going to leave you all for now with a picture of me post-workout from last night. Here I am in all my hot, sweaty, red-faced, glory!

P.S. After writing this post I have the Yo! Gabba Gabba! crew singing in my head "Never give up! Don't give up!". My nephews have warped me. :)

Fashion Meets Food - Wal-mart Giftcard Giveaway

Pantene has some great new products out. Over at Fashion Meets Food you can enter to win a $25 Wal-mart gift card so that you can go and purchase some new hair products.

I love this blog and think that you will too!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

LHAS Week 1- Weigh in

All I can say is oh my gosh!!!! I just about had a heart attack when I say my weight for this week. My goal was to get out of the 230's and boy did I ever. I had a 7 pound weight loss!! I went from 232 down to 225. I am already half way done with the 220's. I am too excited for words!!!

This LHAS Challenge has been the absolute best thing for me. I am a competitive person by nature so challenges like this are right up my alley. This has been a real kick in the as@ for me and I love it! I think that increasing my exercise is what gave me such a good lost. Before I was working out for 30mins and was only do that for sure for 3 days, sometimes I would do all 5 days. This week I worked out for a total of 421 minutes. That plus being meticulous on my calorie count is what did it.

Now I only have 26 pounds to go to meet my LHAS goal, which is also my first really big goal for my total weight loss. I will then be in onderland at 199. I can not wait. I can see the scale now!

Now I will post the pictures to prove it. I have to tell you that the scale this time was 1 pound off. It was not half last week and I took a picture proving that it was off a pound. That is why the scale says 226 but it should really be 225 when you take into consideration the scale not being calibrated correctly.

Here is where you can see that the scale is off by one pound.

And here is where you can see my weight. It is really between 225 and 226 but with the scale being off one pound it would really be between 224 and 225, but I went with the whole number of 225.

And here is the picture of me on the scale. I wasn't sure if we had to post the pictures on the scale every week but I want to anyway so you can see for yourself what I see.

Now I just have to keep up the momentum and continue doing what I am doing because obviously it is working. I always knew that exercise was the key for me and this just proves it. Back in 1997 when I went from 247lbs down to 172lbs all I did was walk on the treadmill for 6 minutes after every meal. I added a small amount of weight training but never really got into exercise like I am this time. Just getting active is the key for me to continue losing and then to keep it off. I will always have to exercise no matter what and I now know that so hopefully maintenance will be more manageable this time around. I am thankful that I now get it. Sorry I keep harping on exercise this week but it really does have that big of an impact for me.

The longest post ever. All about my ex and bad dreams.

I can not wait for this afternoon/evening because I get to see what progress I have made this past week. It is weigh in day for the first week of the LHAS Challenge . For me it seems like the week has just been dragging by at a snail's pace. I have stayed within my calorie range and I exceeded my exercise goals so I am hoping that the scale is friendly and reflects all of the hard work I have been doing. But I know how finicky those darn scales can be.

The last couple of days for me have not exactly been easy. My past has been haunting me in my dreams and it has really be disturbing to me. First let me give you some background information. This might be kind of long. Back when I was a teenager I met a guy named Kris and feel madly in love. We moved in together when we were 17 and lived together for almost a year. Then he cheated on me, for the second time, and when I found out I immediately broke up with him and rented a U-Haul and moved out the next weekend. We had been best friends for several years, though I was trying to get him to go out with me that whole time. I was very close with his mom and his family and even moved in with them for a year. Kris and I had been broken up for a year when I moved in with his family. He did not live there and in fact he and the girl he cheated on me with had moved to Wisconsin. During that time Kris and I still talked all the time on the phone. I got my own apartment and a great job and that is when I started to lose weight. I have always had weight problems and back then I was in around a size 22 I think. I ended up going from 247 down to 172. This was the spring/summer of 1997. Kris and the other girl came to back to Texas for a visit that summer. He called me when he was in town and asked me to come by his parent's house. I got in my car and headed over there. On the way I passed him in a car with his brother when they were on the way to the store. He saw me as well and pulled over. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I got out of my car and he opened his door and saw me and his mouth just dropped. He was floored. He ran over to me and gave me a big hug and picked me up. He said I looked so good and he could not believe it was me. The whole time he was there he just get not get over how much I had lost and kept saying how good I looked. I felt like I was on cloud nine. During the months before when I would be on the treadmill working out I would be picturing his reaction and it felt so good to see him so shocked.

During that visit he cheated on Christina (the other woman) with me. And that was not the only time that happened over the next 3 years. For a long time after we first broke up I thought it was me, that I was the problem. But then as soon as he cheated on her with me, I knew at that moment that it was not me and never was. It was all him and he was the one with the problem. I was an idiot though because even though I knew that I still wanted him back. He went back to Wisconsin but we would still talk all the time. Not long after he left he called me while he was on a trip with his mother and I believe they were in Seattle. He told me that he had thought about everything and that he had decided to come back to me. He said he was going to go back to Wisconsin and get his stuff and tell Christina that it was over. It wasn't but a few days later that he called me back to say he had just found out that Christina was pregnant. Kris' dad had not really been a part of his life. In fact the reason he moved to Wisconsin was that he and his dad were just starting to get to know eachother and that is where he lived. So, Kris told me that there was just no way that he could just walk away from a baby. I was upset of course but I knew there was not really anything I could do. Kris later told me that he had found out that Christina had been flushing her birth control pills and that she had wanted to get pregnant. I do not put that past her for a second but I know that if he had really been in love with me he would never have been with her in the first place. I am sure she did want to trap him. I do not understand why a woman would want to do that because normally it does not even work but in this case it did.

The baby was due in January 1998. I met a guy that was my sister's boss in Dec. 1997 that I fell hard for. It wasn't long and he was asking me to marry to him. I said yes and thought I was over Kris. Well it turned out that they guy was a major momma's boy. One night he wanted to take me bowling but it was raining outside and he called to tell me that he couldn't go because his mother would not let him drive in the rain. He was still living at home at the time and he was either 20 or 21. Then a big group of our friends all wanted to go to San Antonio for a weekend but he said he could not go because we were all going to share one room, both girls and guys, and his mommy would not approve. That was the last straw and I broke up with him. So, I was back to being single. My sister graduated in May 1998 and we rented a townhouse together. Well Kris and I started up our conversations again. By that fall he said that he had decided he was really leaving Christina and coming back to Texas and that we would be together.

One night he loaded up his car and took the baby with him and headed to Texas. I could not believe that he was really doing it. He came to my place and I can remember my sister and her boyfriend watched the baby while Kris and I caught up on old times. Later that night he went to go visit his mother. When he left I was so full of myself and very smug that I decided to call Christina and tell her where Kris had just been, in my bed. I was being a royal bitch. There was a time when Christina and I would actually talk on the phone. She was not happy with Kris. In fact she would tell me that he would spit on her and tell her she was worthless. I honestly do not know why either one of us wanted him. He was a highschool dropout, had a shitty job, liked to drink, a sailor's mouth, was rude and very full of himself (why I have no idea). Anyway by this time Christina and I were back to hating each other again. As soon as I called her she was on the road heading to Texas. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had never made that call but boy am I glad that I did. She came back and all of a sudden he was not going to leave her. However, he would drive by my place all the time checking up on me, he admitted this to me. Then at the beginning of 1999 my sister and I were moving and he offered to come help us. He helped my dad move all of our stuff and Christina would be calling on his cell phone and he would come up with some lie and not let her know where he really was. Just like he did to me when he was first seeing her.

Both my sister and I were living back at my parent's house and going to college. I would drive down to Kris' parent's house and visit from time to time. His mother had a lot of issues back then herself. We had been like best friends, which is very weird to me now. I have to explain here a little something. Kris had an older brother and then he had 5 other brothers and sisters. Kris and his older brother's dad was the one in Wisconsin, you knew I had mentioned that. Well 4 of his other siblings' dad was the man that his mom was now married to. Hope you follow. Well she had had an affair and the youngest girl had a different father. For years nobody even knew about it and then she confided in me. Eventually she ended up telling all the kids about it and came clean. But she used to run off with this guy that she had had the affair with. She would take the youngest kid (his daughter) and leave with him on his truck (he was a truck driver). Well she would claim that he kidnapped her and would just show up out of the blue one day. She had done this many many times and I had actually covered for her several times. I know it was very hard on all the kids when she did this. Can you imagine, one day your mom just disappears for months and you don't know when she will be back?

Well she did this again, I believe it was 1999 or could have been the first of 2000. This time I had had it. I blew up and went off on her. I told her how selfish she is and how it effects her children. I had been put in a hard place many times and I was young at the time. I had been 19-22 or so during this time and I did lie for her but she was an adult that I looked up to. I think she used me as well as her son. But anyway that is another story within itself. It was also around this time that I had been down at her house and Kris and Christina were there. This particular day I was there hanging out with Kris' little sisters. You have to remember they were like my family and were sisters to me too. I had been around them at that point for around 8 years so were very close. Christina did something mean to one of the girls and it started a fight between her and me. We were yelling and I remember saying something about well at least I wasn't the type to get pregnant just to keep a man. We were about to come to blows when I guess Kris got her out of there. I was a lot bigger than her and would have hurt her pretty bad.
That was the last time that I ever spoke to Kris. I have not talked to him ever since, well not technically. Every now and then I would prank his house just to piss them off, or sometimes just to hear his voice. I know how sick that is and is very stalkerish but I was not mature back then at all. I have grown up a lot since then. I did not stop making calls to them until the day that I met Jeremiah. As soon as Jeremiah and I did meet, I knew that he was the one for me and I did not feel the need to even think about Kris anymore.

Ok, so that is the story and history. Here we are today. And I do talk to a couple of Kris' siblings via myspace every now and then but have not ever brought him up. I have even seen some pictures of him. Guess what? He is fat now. He used to treat me so bad about my weight back then (he used to wear a 28 in men's, very skinny). And Christina is no skinny thing now either. Yes she has stayed with him all these years. I would be willing to bet money on it that he has cheated on her over the years. I honestly believe once a cheater always a cheater and he was very emotionally abusive. But that is between them and I am glad that I am not a part of it anymore. So, why did I bring all this up. Well here lately I have been having Kris pop up in my dreams, a lot. I am so sick and tired of it but do not know what to do.

I love Jeremiah with all of my heart. He is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. I used to lay in bed and pray that I would find someone who would love me as much as I love them. God answered that prayer and even went beyond what I asked because in fact I think Jeremiah loves me even more than I love him, if that is possible. He does everything for me and I always come first. He is the most sensitive, caring, compassionate, creative, loving, man that I have ever met (besides my dad). In fact I had always said that I wished I could marry a man like my father and lucky me, I did. He treats me so much better than Kris could ever even dream of treating a woman. We make decisions together and we genuinely want to be with each other every waking hour. The only time we are ever apart is when he is at work. It is rare that he will go over to a friend's house without me and the only time I really do much out on my own is when he is at work. It is not that neither of us is allowed to, or that we would even mind if the other went to do something on their own, it is just that we want to be together as much as we can and we enjoy it.

I know that I love Jeremiah and I am happy so why does Kris keep haunting me in my dreams? I wish I could figure this out. It has been happening now for years. The dreams did stop around the time Jeremiah and I got together and would only occur every once in a while, but here lately they are happening all the time. And the dreams are so real that it is scary. In the dreams what usually happens is somehow Kris pops up in my life and wants me back. I get so excited and happy in the dreams and find a peace that I don't seem to have any other time. It is just the most intense good feeling and I hate to wake up because I lose that feeling. I feel guilty even saying that and tears are coming to my eyes. I feel guilty because like I said I love my husband and feel guilty even dreaming about someone else.

Just last night I had a dream and both Jeremiah and Kris were in it. Jeremiah has finally opened his own tattoo shop and for some reason Kris shows up to apply to work there. I walk in and he sees me and gets mad thinking that I am stalking him. He then finds out that I am married to Jeremiah and he can't believe it. Well he and Jeremiah get to talking and start to become friends. I say to both of them that Jeremiah just can't help being friends with my exes. In real life Jeremiah is friends with one guy that I used to "date". I guess Jeremiah goes ahead and hires him in the dream because Kris stays around. Well Kris and I get to talking and I before I know it we are getting back together. I am telling Jeremiah and he is not surprised at all and is ok with it. He is talking to someone else, a female, but not sure who and says that he knows that Kris and I are meant to be together so he is fine with it. Next thing I know in the dream I wake up and realize that it all was a dream. (So in my dream, I wake up from a dream. I have never before had a dream within a dream that I can remember anyway. It was weird.) So in the dream I start talking to my mom and telling her about the dream that I had. I tell her how frustrated I am but how the dream makes me feel so good and that I think I still love Kris somehow. After that the dream gets really weird with the mafia involved, people chasing me in cars, hiding in a movie theater, and another tattoo shop with Kris and Jeremiah there again. It gets hazy after that.

In many of the Kris dreams, but not this last one, I am trying to call him on the phone and I know the number but I can not dial the right numbers. I start to dial the number but then mess up somehow and have to start over and this goes on and on until I am so frustrated that I just forget it. Most of the time the dreams involve him coming back to me and every now and then Christina will be in the dream and he will tell her that he is leaving her for good.

I don't know if I just never got closure or what the deal is. If I am honest then yes I do still love Kris but not in the same way that I love Jeremiah. I mean Kris was my first love and my first real boyfriend. We had a lot of good times and were really better friends than anything else. I think in a way maybe I did trap him into a relationship. When we moved in together he had been kicked out of his house and was staying with his brother at a friend's. It was my idea that we get an apartment together. You see he had lived in Sherman when we meet and then his family moved down by Dallas (60 miles away). I had a car and my license and Kris' best friend and I would drive down and hang out with him, or I would talk to him on the phone. He had not meet hardly anyone down there, except for one weird guy, so he really clung to me and my car and the chance to go do something. My parent's gave me a very good allowance and I had their credit card to pay for all the gas I ever needed. So I was able to buy us pretty much whatever we wanted. I think I was just convenient for him, so maybe I didn't trap as much as I just happened to always be there and nobody else was. That is why I do think he used me, but I was dumb enough at the time to let him.

In fact that pattern carried on to other guys that I dated. That is where I believe my weight was a factor. I didn't feel good enough about myself so I thought that I had to give up sex, pay for everything, and always be around if I was going to get the guy because I just was not good enough in my eyes. I even started doing that to an extent when I was first with Jeremiah. But I quickly learned that was not necessary because he really did love me for just me and not what I had. He had his own money and his parent's were still helping him (and in fact still help us now). I now know what it really means to give and receive true love. But like I said there will always be a place in my heart for Kris. I wish that there was not but there is. Sometimes I wish that every memory associated with him could just be washed away. But I know that those years did help to form me into the woman that I am today. I have often wondered what I would do if he really did show up one day out of the blue and want me back. I think for a moment, a fleeting moment, I would be tempted. Just because I like to imagine things were better than they really were. I think that in my mind I forget how much we used to fight, how mean he was to me, how he cheated on me and then on Christina, how could I ever even want to speak to a man that would spit on his girlfriend? I guess my mind thinks of the way that I wish it could have been and not the way that it really was. I say that I loved Kris but the more I sit here and think about it, the more I think that it was not love but an obsession. I think that what got to me and probably still gets to me, is that I did not get what I wanted.

If you know me in real life, then you would know that I am an extremely controlling person. I do not like to ride in the car with anyone unless I am the one driving because I can not stand for someone else to be in control. I have always believed that I never got into drugs like so many of my friends did simply because I would not want something else to control me. I did experiment one time and took some mushrooms, this was years and years ago, and I absolutely hated it. It was the worst experience of my life. I was not in control and could not stand it. Jeremiah and I have gotten into fights over stupid as stuff just because he would make plans or want to do something that I just did not want to do at the time, or didn't think of first and we would fight because he would not do what I wanted him to do. Control. That is my enemy and what I fight with daily. I am sure somehow it is also connected with my eating. I must have stayed fat because somehow I felt it was something that I was controlling.

I believe that is why I am having an easier time losing the weight than some people do. Because once I get something in my mind then it is not going to leave and I am going to control it. I have been exercising religiously and counting my calories to the tee. All things that I feel I can now control. I am also a perfectionist and they say that has to do with control as well.

Alright, maybe we are getting somewhere here. Maybe these dreams are coming up now that I am on this weight loss journey and it has something to do with control. See I knew that I needed to just keep writing. I know that my posts are like books and I am glad that you all come here to read them and give me your support. But honestly I write this blog for me. I can not afford counseling right now and this is my way of getting my feelings out there. I do think that I am onto something here. Now I just have to figure out what my these dreams are trying to tell me. The more that I think about the less I think that the dreams have anything to do with Kris at all. If I remember correct the last time that the dreams popped up a lot was back right before Jeremiah and I got married. That was another big change in my life and I was letting someone else in and giving up some control. If you are still with me after all this tell me what you think? Am I on the right track here or am I just reaching? You just do not know how bad I want to put Kris behind me and stop having him invade my dreams. I do not want to love him, I do not want to remember him, and I certainly do not want to even have to think about him anymore. That part of my life is over and I just wish he would go away.

Ok that is enough purging for one day. I will be back later to weigh in. I am going to try and go get a little sleep now before I have to get back up and at 'em. Just pray that I have some better dreams! I could dream that I finally get to my goal weight and then all of a sudden we buy the winning lottery ticket and the whole world is ready for the taking. Yes, that sounds like a plan and a dream that I would like to have (and I am more than willing for it to come true).

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Goals, shaving, and some cute shoes!

I am very proud to announce that I made it yesterday on the elliptical for 30 mins. straight. It didn't really start to get to me until I hit around 15mins but by then I knew that I was halfway done and would make it. I thought about stopping once I made it a mile but I told myself no that I had in my mind 30 mins. and I was not going to quit. I felt so good afterwards.

Shortly after that I did 30 mins. of strength training. I could really feel it in my arms. I can already tell that my abs are getting stronger. I think maybe all the crunches are working because I have a feeling that they are what caused me to all of a sudden lose some inches. I love crunches! No I am not insane, well maybe I am but it isn't because I love crunches. I just love how much better I feel with a stronger core. I have been concentrating a lot on having better posture. Not only when I stand but also when I am sitting. I will catch myself start to slouch and immediately make myself sit up straighter. That is something my mom has been telling me to do for years. I guess it is time I got around to listening to her.

Oh, and another change that I love is the fact that I have been able to wear some of my high heels. My mom bought me some really cute shoes 2 summers ago but they are high wedges and I just could not wear them much at all. I have hated to only wear flats but heels just killed my feet too much. With just the weight that I have lost so far, I am finally able to wear the shoes. I was not in any pain at all and could have walked around for hours with no problem. Jeremiah had better get ready because I have a feeling there will be a lot of cute shoes coming home with me in the near future. Luckily he can not get too upset with me because he is a shoe-aholic himself.

Last night I was thinking about many of the changes that I have gone through already. I never really realized what all I was giving up or dealing with by staying at my size. I was in the shower and shaving my legs when it suddenly occurred to me that it was much easier to reach down to my legs. I can't even fathom how different it will be once all of this fat on my stomach is totally gone. I am starting to see why people who lose a ton of weight talk about everything that they could not do when they were fat. You just don't see it when you are that size, at least I know that I didn't and still do not. I am excited to see what else gets easier for me.

I'm also very excited for the LHAS weigh in on Wed. All along I have been counting my calories but this past Friday I started a journal where I am writing down everything I eat and how much I exercise. I have always been good at remembering every little thing I eat so I have not had any surprises or a-ha moments where I realize that I am eating more than I thought. It is just now I am actually writing it down. It is nice to be able to look at my diet in black and white and go over what I ate for the entire week. I have been staying in my calorie range, which is 800-1200 calories. I know many of you will freak at that amount but I am under a Doctor's care and I do take my vitamins. I have hypothyroidism and it makes it very very hard for me to lose any weight. The last few days I have been staying closer to the 1000-1200 range. I figured with increasing my exercise so much that I had better increase my calories as well. I can not wait to see how this week has gone. I am so ready to be out of the 230's and into the 220's.

Ok, I am going to wrap this up now. I am leaving you with some pictures of the shoes that I mentioned above. As you can see I am in desperate need of a pedicure. I am thinking that if I do hit the 220's then maybe I will get one to celebrate. Keep up the good work everyone and remember no pain, no gain (or lose in our case)!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Calories, Health, and my insanity

Most of the time I feel like a walking contradiction. I don't know if it is because my birthday is on a cusp and because I am lean more to the Libra side of me than the Virgo side but I have a hard time making decisions and I always see both sides of everything. One day I might think one way but then the next I am thinking in a whole new way. It must drive people who know me crazy because it drives me nuts too.

That is why sometimes I may post about something but then a few posts later be talking about something that totally contradicts what I said before. I am an ever changing woman. I know there are a lot of women out there that change their minds a lot but for me it happens constantly even with little things. I have been trying to be positive about this and tell myself it is just that I am always thinking and evolving and that it is a good thing to continually be growing. Whatever eases the mind right?

I had been thinking about my indecisiveness a lot this past week and then this weekend it came up again when I was reading and commenting on blogs. I was reading my favorite blog Escape from Obesity about how a calorie is not always just a calorie. I know what Lynn means about eating healthy. I do care, well now I do, about what I put in my body. I do not want to just lose weight, I want to be healthy. But then as I read the comments to her post someone mentioned the website 344 Pounds and how this guy Tyler has lost over 140 pounds by just counting calories. He frequently eats "bad food" like pizza, cheeseburgers, fries, etc., but it is all within is calorie limit. He does not want to eat nothing but good for you food all the time because he said it is not realistic for him. And I do see his point as well. I have always believed that losing weight comes down to one thing calories in vs. calories out. It really is that simple.

But just because you can lose weight by eating only 1200 calories, or whatever your limit is, of junk food does not mean that you will be healthy. That is why there are many, many, many people out there that are skinny but are not healthy. But my thought is why knock someone for what they choose to do. So what if you eat junk but only in moderation. Maybe that is your only vice whereas other people smoke, drink, do drugs, etc. Like I said in one of my comments on Tyler's page, nobody can be perfect. And where does everyone come off thinking that everyone has to be so damn healthy all the time. I am being serious here. If you exercise and eat in moderation, and lose weight and then maintain that weight, why is it so important to then force even more healthy talk and plans on them. I think that in the weight loss world we sometimes get a little obsessed with all the health talk.

There is always so much talk about losing weight to get healthy, eating better for your health, exercising for your health, take this supplement it is better, no wait a minute research shows we were wrong you should take this instead, sleep is the most important thing, eat low carbs, eat low fat, no no that isn't right some fat is good for you and they add more salt for flavor so low fat foods are not so good for you. Ughhhh, it goes on and on. I have been told that if you are losing weight just to look good then you are losing weight for the wrong reason because you will never be happy. That instead you need to lose weight just to get healthy.

Well of course I want to be healthy and to feel good. But honestly one of the reasons (and yes it is a big reason) I want to lose weight is to look good. I want to feel sexy, desirable, and look like a complete hottie. I think if most of us are honest then that is what we want. Let's face it, we live in a very vain society and looks play an important role. I do want to be pretty and to have guys jealous of my husband because he has such a beautiful wife. Is that petty of me, yes, but it is the truth. I have never been one of those women who have guys stare and hit on me. I am happily married but it would still be nice to get hit on! My husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful and I know that he means it. He really does think that I am beautiful and I do think that I am pretty. I am not happy with my weight right now but I do still think that I am pretty. My husband worries that I will lose all of this weight and leave him. That would never happen because even though I would like to get attention from other men in the way of come ons and such, I would never ever cheat or leave him. For one I know that Jeremiah loves me for me and not just what I look like. I would never know going forward if that person loves me, the real me and entire package, or if they just like the wrapping.

I think a lot of all the healthy talk is just to be politically correct. In many circles it has become very "in" to be health conscious, just like it is cool to now be "going green". A lot of it is a marketing scheme set by companies that just want to make a quick buck. But we all buy into it.

Another thing that I was thinking about that really ticks me off is how whenever you hear stories from someone who has lost weight you hear about how terrible life was before, how unhappy they were, how they could not walk up one single flight of stairs, etc. This is especially true on my favorite show The Biggest Loser. The people on there talk about their past selves like they were horrible people who had the plague. Yes I do want to lose weight and get to the point that I feel better and have more energy. But I am not unhappy and nor do I hate my life. I can walk up stairs and have not had a problem doing so even at my heaviest weight. I could go places like the mall, or even to the Texas State Fair, and walk around all day. Sure I had to take some breaks but I could still do it. Is it easier now? Yes when we went to the Dallas zoo a few weeks ago I had no problems walking four hours at a time and really didn't even need to take a break except for when we ate a quick lunch. I do have more energy now and know that as I continue to lose I will get even more. But still my life has not been as bad as some would like you to think it is at over 250 pounds. I guess once you lose the weight and there is such drastic changes in yourself and you can suddenly see how great you feel that you start to think there is no way I was ever happy back when I weighed so much.

There are times when I think some of the comments from people who have lost a lot of weight are very insulting to those who still have weight to lose. I know that the people who have lost the weight do not mean any harm and are only proud of themselves and looking at how far they have come. But many times the way they talk makes it sound like being fat is the most horrible thing in the entire world. Yes it sucks and nobody wants to stay like this but it is not the worse thing in the world. Many overweight people live very productive, loving, and fun filled lives. Am I the only one that feels this way?

On The Biggest Loser as the season progresses we hear comments about how they used to wear a size 22/24 and had to, gasp, shop in a plus-size store. Oh the horrors. Now of course I can not wait until I can shop in the "normal" section but my point is it is not as bad as it seems, at least not to me. I have good days and I have bad days when it comes to shopping. I love clothes and always have and I do own a lot of outfits that I just love to death and will be sad when they do not fit anymore. In fact I am going to be mourning some of my favorites. It is very strange to be so happy to lose the weight but at the same time be sad that some of my favorite clothes do not fit anymore. It doesn't even make much sense to me. I should be happy that I get to go out and buy new stuff.

Then there are several of the contestants this season who have told us they haven't ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend in their entire life. That really bugged me because I think it feeds into the stereotype that fat people are never going to meet someone and get married. Well guess what, fat people fall in love and get married all the time. Just because you are overweight does not mean that you will never date or find someone to love. Of course it makes things harder in the dating world but it is not impossible. I am not saying that these people should lie or that they have not suffered being alone and that sucks big time, I guess I just hate that it is true for them. Just like I hate it when anytime Texas is portrayed it is all about cattle, country music, cowboy hats, trucks, boots, and good old boys. There are some people about that here in Texas but the majority of people I know are not like that at all. Jeremiah hates country music with a passion and I must say most of the guys that I have dated and hung out with have had the same feeling. I like some country music, now that is more poppy than country, but growing up I hated country music too. I have never ridden a horse and have never owned a pair of cowboy boots in my life. I am not a country girl at all, I am all city. People I have met here that have just moved from somewhere else, always comment on how they expected something completely different. Texas, at least North Texas where I live, is just like any other normal place in the US.

Ok, I will step off from my soap box now. Enough bitching for one day. These were just a few thoughts that have been bugging me lately. So those are my thoughts for today, but who knows how I will feel tomorrow. What are you thinking today?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Clothing Swap

I was just wondering if anyone knows of a good site to swap clothes? I just joined this site to rehash clothes, but was wondering if there were any other good sites out there. I am now losing enough weight that I can rid of some of my clothes and figured if I can swap that would be good since I am pretty broke.

It gets so expensive having to buy new clothes as you lose weight, so I just thought it would be cool to be able to trade some clothes as I lose. I now have some size 24 jeans, a pair of dress pants and a pair of capris that need to go. I am now looking to get size 18's.

I would love to create a site for people losing weight where we could load clothes and swap kind of like the book swapping site that my friend told me about.

My new toy!

My oh so wonderful husband surprised me today with an elliptical. He was driving by a garage sale and decided to stop when he saw it was for sale. I have been looking to get a treadmill but an elliptical will do just fine so I can not complain.

He paid $50 and I thought that was a pretty good price. It is a Proform XP 110 and I looked on Craigslist and found several used ones for sale but the cheapest I found was $150 and some were even asking $200. After seeing those prices I was super excited since I love a good deal.

It has ifit capability but it is the old ifit chirp and not the ifit live. I would love to eventually get a the incline treadmill with the ifit live and have Jillian Michaels kick my arse. But for now I will just have to kick my own self. I tried the ifit thing with some of the basic workouts they have on their old site for free but I couldn't get it to work so I don't know if I was doing something wrong or what.

All I know is that this sucker is tough. I got on and I kid you not I was dying at just 4 mins. So I got off rested a few mins. then did 4 mins. more. I did this a few times and now going 4 mins. is getting easier. I will just have to work up to it like I did on the Gazelle. When I first started out on the Gazelle this past January I could only last 5 mins and now I can go for an hour.

Ok so without further adeau - here is my new toy!

Friday, May 7, 2010


Just stopping in for a very quick update on how MLHAS is going. So far so good, actually better than expected. On Wednesday I worked out for 90mins and then Thursday I got in 2 workouts for a total of 135mins.

I didn't eat all that great yesterday. I had a bowl of granola and milk again. Then for lunch had a Lean Cuisine dinner, and then is when trouble hit. I came home and my in-laws had gotten Golden Chick for dinner. I ended up eating 4 chicken tenders (but I did take the smallest ones) 6 pieces of fried okra, a yeast roll, and then some potato salad that Jeremiah's uncle had made the other night. The potato salad had sour cream, chives, bacon pieces, mayo, and of course potato! Oh it was so darn good. I had maybe 3/4 cup. So it was not all bad but I know that none of it was healthy what so ever!!! It could have been worse because Uncle had made pecan bars (just like pecan pie in bar form). I did not even touch one or even glance at them twice.

I have come to realize that the reason I do not crave sweets is because I do not hardly ever eat them. If I do par-take in sweets then I keep craving them and get on a roll of eating them. So I just avoid them and don't have a problem. Over the weekend when I was getting over my kidney stone and I had the night of sweets with my hubby, well that just lead to me eating something sweet everyday this week until today. I realize now what happened and put a stop to it. I was not eating tons of sweets everyday, like yesterday had just one brownie. But still I was eating sweets when normally I do not. It was all triggered by just one indulgence. Next time when I do indulge I will have to make sure not to let it carry over to any other instances.

At least I am learning new things about myself. Surely there are more insights to come.

Todays plan is to get back on track with C25K since I have not ran since last Friday. I am also going to do my pilates (both my lower body and my ab dvd's) so I should be able to get in at least 90 mins if not more. Hope everyone else is having a good week.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Some Pics, just for fun!

I just thought it would be fun to post some other pics of myself and family. Here is my wonderful husband Jeremiah and me at Christmas 2008.

And here I am with my sister Laura and family's little chihuahua Max. This was Christmas of 2008 I believe.

This is Jeremiah, my step-son Dakota, and me at the bowling alley. Like you couldn't have guessed where we were. This picture was taken in the Fall of 2009.

Here is my husband Jeremiah, my nephew Matthew (at 5 months old), and me. Taken August 2009.

This next picture is of my little sister Lydia (mother to Matthew and Jacob) and me at her college graduation. Also taken August 2009.

And here we have Jeremiah and me taken just this past March at his grandmother Peggy's funeral.

This was just me playing around and asked Jeremiah to take my picture. This was taken the summer of 2009 back when we had our own place in Oklahoma. I was and well always will be into the 80's!!

And this last picture was taken just this Easter 2010 and is my nephews Jacob and Matthew posing in some cool shades along with me having a laugh.